Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
