Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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