guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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