Sry I called you an 8
well you can't waste a boner
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
