My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
