i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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