he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
