my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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