so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize