no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
how does that bad decision feel?
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