ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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