He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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