I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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