Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
