My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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