Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
