fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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