It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dick very happy bro
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
