Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
