we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
