you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
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Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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