she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
