what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
