There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
