Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
