I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
