READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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