whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
