remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
