I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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