the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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