and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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