Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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