So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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