There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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