proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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