Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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