If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
