my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
