Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
