your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
