Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
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It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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