you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
