I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
