Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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