Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
