I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i now understand why vodka
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
