Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
