The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
