Texts From Last Night

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  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

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  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7183) Bad night (923)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

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  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (12660) Bad night (1670)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.

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  (919): I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all. http://tfl.nu/fj96
  Replies (7) Good night (3108) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She tied me up with her honor cords...

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  (608): She tied me up with her honor cords... http://tfl.nu/y0v2
  Replies (29) Good night (11127) Bad night (1024)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water

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  (814): Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water http://tfl.nu/ivkw
  Replies (14) Good night (5401) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She bit a glass in half.

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  (250): She bit a glass in half. http://tfl.nu/3ugo
  Replies (11) Good night (1328) Bad night (3421)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels

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  (613): you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels http://tfl.nu/5vyu
  Replies (11) Good night (1358) Bad night (3864)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Is it working?

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  (205): I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless. (1-205): Is it working? http://tfl.nu/ozk1
  Replies (17) Good night (4112) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.

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  (201): what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT. http://tfl.nu/yb4q
  Replies (4) Good night (878) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss

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  (727): Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss http://tfl.nu/ms4i
  Replies (9) Good night (840) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours

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  (403): Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours http://tfl.nu/wscg
  Replies (9) Good night (1381) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.

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  (707): Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got. http://tfl.nu/yk6y
  Replies (5) Good night (474) Bad night (1474)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.

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  (314): So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon. http://tfl.nu/5e1u
  Replies (2) Good night (262) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.

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  (323): There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation. http://tfl.nu/bbsf
  Replies (3) Good night (300) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.

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  (323): Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd. http://tfl.nu/ari3
  Replies (4) Good night (244) Bad night (170)

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