Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.