Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman