Texts From Last Night

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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?

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  (973): Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night? http://tfl.nu/mwh9
  Replies (6) Good night (1890) Bad night (567)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking

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  (732): so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking http://tfl.nu/oxvr
  Replies (5) Good night (881) Bad night (1990)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  well I can't set my house on fire every night

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  (248): well I can't set my house on fire every night http://tfl.nu/iwc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1688) Bad night (1242)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?

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  (803): I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low? http://tfl.nu/crwl
  Replies (13) Good night (1155) Bad night (4806)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits

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  (443): She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits http://tfl.nu/tlq9
  Replies (54) Good night (4451) Bad night (1305)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.

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  (971): He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex. http://tfl.nu/3zjj
  Replies (21) Good night (1935) Bad night (6595)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

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  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (11747) Bad night (2738)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.

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  (740): he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero. http://tfl.nu/6a8a
  Replies (10) Good night (3584) Bad night (1080)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"

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  (908): I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!" http://tfl.nu/rdw8
  Replies (9) Good night (1448) Bad night (3078)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious

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  (870): Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious http://tfl.nu/hhr4
  Replies (9) Good night (2239) Bad night (609)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle

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  (561): I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle http://tfl.nu/mlt6
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (848)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  family traditions my good sir

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  (773): I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel. (810): family traditions my good sir http://tfl.nu/vuky
  Replies (7) Good night (745) Bad night (1180)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess

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  (505): It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die. (505): But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess http://tfl.nu/nbb1
  Replies (3) Good night (620) Bad night (353)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg

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  (702): one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg http://tfl.nu/43te
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (301)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Everyone says I win the strip club

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  (215): Everyone says I win the strip club http://tfl.nu/j5vl
  Replies (1) Good night (511) Bad night (254)

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