I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
How does it feel to date your dad?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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