Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
