it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Two words: blizzard sex
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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