he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
