I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
