Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
