Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Randomize
