if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
