Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
