Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
