there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
