Got a toothbrush?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
